Sticky Fingers

The Anatomy of the Inner Self was the name I decided for my personal blog. I probably should have called it “My Inner Self”, but since I’m going to share reminiscences of others who have taught me through the years, I decided to leave it as is.

Yes, I will be writing about my work because this is such a big part of me. What’s interesting is that I’ve become my own patient and the work I’ve written and recorded as come to bring me back to a new beginning, not the place I left. I am grateful for what I’ve been given and even more grateful for having it ready, willing and able to serve me now at this juncture in my life.

Unlike my professional blogs, this personal blog will follow no special rules. Remember the movie “Mermaids?” The character played by Winona Ryder had many similarities to my young self. I wanted to believe that God would come down to save me from my life “as it was.” I played at being a “good girl”, but inside of me there was another part that wasn’t all that nice.

At times I truly believed I was destined to go to hell, and each Saturday when I went to confession Father Joe would peek through the curtain and reassure me that I was right. I was a “sinner”….a seven year old sinner! How ridiculous! As the years went by I lost “faith” …..or did I? I thought I did, but as I look back what I lost was not “faith”, but the Knowledge that fear was not the path for me. Yes, fear is a great motivator, but not for the long term. This is where “Spirit” comes in….

Spirit is always present, always has answers, and a Light to show the way. Spirit provides lessons, some more difficult than others, but all come with rewards for moving through the difficult bumps in the road. In my last blog post I wrote about commitment and the difference between desire and fully committing to a goal “of sorts.” I’m not all that keen on the word “goal”, although I utilize it for myself and my patients. Words are needed to help us identify things, so the word “goal” helps. But, setting a goal is not enough.

There is no energy in just setting it….all things “desired” need energy, some much more than others. Sometimes we need “hot desire” or energy. We may need this for a short term or a long term. We may need to keep it in reserve for difficult moments. As time goes on with a particular “goal”, we may not need it as often, but most of the time it’s a good idea to have a dose ready. I know it’s been this way for me.

I’ve been practicing commitment for decades. I believe my Spiritual Guides have assisted me BEFORE I came to understand how to do this work for myself. I also believe I’ve been given these lessons so I could teach them to others. These beliefs have nothing to do with Father Joe and the confessional or any part of being fearful of God or going to hell. In this blog I will share some experiences with you, then give you tools I’ve been “told” to develop over the years. I believe the things I have learned come from a Higher Source. I have no other explanation.

When I work directly with patients, as I have for over four decades, I can feel the energy flowing through me. Where does this come from? I’ve asked myself this for the same number of decades. I believe it is my Spiritual Self giving me the information that is needed. Now, you might wonder, if my Spiritual Self knows so much, why do I have to go through this “commitment thing”?

I believe we are all in a big school and we get all sorts of lessons depending on the level we are living. I’ve worked through at least six big commitments. What I gained through these trials and tribulations, including near-death experiences, have given me the tools for helping others. Yet, I’m still learning, so I’m convinced this is still a “school.” Most of my work that is available on mp3 downloads and through my books and ebooks comes through my life experiences as a professional clinical RN and Hypnotherapist.

Besides my credentials, I am a survivor of many aspects of my life. Over the years I have learned how to teach/guide others to find this power within themselves. I believe this is my purpose. I’ve had many big fights with myself. Some nearly killed me. My food issues come to mind. I’ve been a binge and disorderly eater since early childhood. I can remember bingeing at age three. I’ve been a secret eater, anorexic and bulimic. I’ve abused alcohol and prescription medications. When I was in nursing school this was commonplace. But food issues almost killed me.

I knocked on the door of adult-onset diabetes many times. I was saved by my Spiritual Self. I’ve shared this story in my books, but maybe I’ll share it here some other time….not today. When Spirit saved me it was in answer to a direct prayer. I didn’t like the answer…..I had to change just about everything, but I had COMMITTED in the prayer. OMG! When I prayed I had no idea what I was going to be asked to do. That was over three decades ago. The prayer saved my life and through my recovery I’ve helped thousands of others to make those changes. It is possible and when one comes out the other side of the dark forest, life is incredible.

I still listen to my own work, because I BELIEVE this work was channeled through me. While my commitment for 2015 has to do with my writing, I still must take care of other areas of my life that have been cleaned and cleared. This includes my eating issues and other compulsive tendencies. I need good, sound stress management. I need to take care of my mind, body and Spirit. When my son died three years ago I found myself sitting at the side of a stream, mesmerized by my own grief. I came to understand that I would be saved by returning to my earlier commitments. Here are two programs of mine that I listened to today…..I was guided by Spirit to choose these and share this with you.

Whenever working on new commitments one needs to refresh old ones. For me this meant dealing with my sugar/food issues and reviewing techniques of visualization….the heart of placing my new commitment into my subconscious mind. If you have eating issues, need help with learning the tools of working with your creative mind, setting up goals or organizing new commitments, I invite you to visit my websites.

Anatomy of the Inner Self

Welcome 2019!  I’ve worked through seven years of grief following the loss of my son and three months of grief following the loss of my husband.  It is time for me now. I’ve been waiting.

Well…it’s the New Year, isn’t it? I’m not into resolutions. That word is not powerful enough for me. I do like to start “again”….to clean and clear up an area of my life. This year I’m taking on one of my biggest areas….my own “creative mind.”

Sometimes we simply don’t see our own chaos. I’m no stranger to this. Right now I’m sitting in the middle of my work of several decades. Most of it lives in my office, but a big part of it resides in my mind. I don’t like it here. Part of me wants to run away, pretending that it doesn’t exist. The other part of me wants to delve into my big mess and explore what is in each pile and file. There are binders filled with blogs, articles, parts of books, some further along than others. There are notes, suggestions, affirmations, links to websites that interested me.

I’m never without a pen and notebook for writing ideas, etc. These all live in my files. They drive me crazy. I can’t let go of them, but they are overwhelming. My emotions are a mixture of confusion, delight, anxiety, anticipation, joy, anger and despondency. This is the “Ying Yang” of my creative mind. I love it and despise it. It has held me captive for most of my life. This is the year I’ve committed to “taking it on.”

Deciding and committing are very different mind states for me. Oh, I have no difficulty in deciding many things, but committing….well, that is frightening. Just the thought makes my blood run cold. I do not commit easily. For me, committing is a Sacred Pact with my Spiritual Self. In the past I’ve been successful with committing.

I think I learned this as a child. Being brought up Catholic, I had plenty of practice during Lent. I remember having to commit to giving up things I loved. I often tried to cheat by choosing things I didn’t care all that much about like giving up “bubble gum.” I was never really into bubble gum, but there was that part of me that knew I was cheating God. Worse, I believed that God knew I was cheating and that scared the “be-Jesus” out of me. I was sure I would go to hell, just like Father Joe yelled at the congregation each Sunday. I didn’t want to go to hell, so, I gave up something I really loved like going to the movies, never thinking that the new Disney flick was coming for one week only. I remember sitting in my bedroom crying at my bad luck. The movie was Dumbo. I still remember how I felt when all the other kids were talking about it. But, I also remember another feeling I had……I had kept my commitment!

That has served me well throughout my life. But…I’m still careful about committing. It always has a price. One of my biggest problems is that I want to do everything. I’m sure those of you who are reading the personal blog post understand this. This is the precursor of chaos. No one can do everything. No one can keep everything. No one can buy everything. This is not how one finds peace and contentment.

Commitment can help, but if we are not realistic, then commitment can work against us. We set ourselves up for failure. So, I think about my special commitment for this year. I really want to do this, but it is “huge.” Of course, this frightens me, but the fear is the creative energy that I will transmute. I know the way, but I have put this off for several years due to the death of my son. My concentration was not where it needed to be to take on this commitment. I’m better now….I’ve transmuted much of my grief into positive energy that I will use to take this project forward. It will not happen over-night. Nothing does.

WHERE I’M AT… It’s already February 14th. A month and a half of the New Year has passed and I haven’t done anything but think about what I want to achieve. I’ve accepted that I will never be able to write all the books that I have planned. This is an impossible expectation. That alone is a big step for me in this area of my life. I’ve always been a prolific writer/producer, but I do have limitations. I carried ten binders to what I call my “direct workspace.” This is like a “holding area” for prioritizing. It is a step in the right direction, but it is still possible for me to stall here.

I’m great at moving things and organizing, but it is still dangerous. I know this about myself. Oh, how difficult it is to know oneself. It’s much easier to live in my creative mind space and just think about what I’d like to do. There is a power in “not thinking and not seeing”. I’ve done that in other parts of my life, ending up shocked at the chaos and clutter that filled areas of my life without my seeing it at all. I’ve opened drawers without noticing what’s in them. My closet holds clothes I haven’t thought about in years. I move them around but don’t see them. There are things in my kitchen that are foreign to me. These are gadgets that I bought for some reason. Now I don’t remember why. I move them around when looking for my favorite mixing spoon, but have no relationship with them whatsoever. I don’t even think to get rid of them. That’s how blind I’ve become in that area of my life.

I believe we all have a purpose in life. I’ve started journaling and meditating, asking my Higher Self to guide me through this commitment. I know I need guidance to move me through the piles of work before me. It’s interesting what happens when I approach my chaos in this way. I tend to lose my anxiety and panic over what I perceive as a mess. The papers seem to organize themselves into some sort of order. I’ve been asked to define my most precious interests and to care for them as I care for those I love, for these are also my children. So…I take these “children” to a special area of my workplace. They include disorderly and secret eating issues, stress and disease prevention, learning self-hypnosis and applying hypnosis to lifestyle change.

I am committed to producing additional ebooks on these subjects to add to those I’ve already written and published. I have also committed to writing a book that has been in process for several years on nail biting and skin picking….issues from my own childhood. And….I have committed to publishing two novels I have in re-write at this time. One is dedicated to my son Michael, and the other is a murder mystery I wrote for my own enjoyment…if murder can be seen as “enjoyment.”

For those of you not familiar with my work in the field of Interactive Self-Hypnosis, I invite you to visit my websites and my Amazon.com author’s page. If you are looking to change what’s not working for you, or if you want to move forward in areas of your life that are “waiting”…I’m sure you will enjoy this unique process of self-development. For the next few weeks I’ll walk you through my “creative mind”. You can look over my shoulder and even climb into my “spiritual body” if you feel so inclined. Here you can “feel” what it’s like to be on purpose, to stay there through thick and thin, and come out the other side….stronger than before….just like I did so many years ago when I was a practicing Catholic. Now…I’m a practicing “Spiritual Being”, no longer afraid because I’m not alone. I wish all of you a very Happy and Successful New Year. Remember…prosperity is carried in both the mind and body…not just in your bank account!