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I’ve been away…not on vacation, but on my own journey of self-honesty. It’s not something I raised my hand for, but my body & mind decided to shut down business as usual until I took the time & personal space to address some of my own issues. Oh? A therapist with issues? Why not? Everyone else has them!
It’s been several years since my body decided to take a trip into the dark abyss of illness. In a way, I was excited because I knew that once I started to feel better physically, I still had to fully recover & it is in that time-space that an inner journey would take place. I know from past experiences that my mind knows where to go, but living life “as usual”, never affords me the time to arrive at that special destination…the place that holds the questions, as well as the answers.
Two whole weeks away from work, desk, computer, phone & even a meaningful conversation of any length. Days & nights consisting of sleep & more sleep. No need to worry for this is the preparation for the journey that would take place very soon. No preparations necessary. The body would alert the mind when the time was right & I would simply find myself there.
It happened in the middle of a morning at the end of the second week or so I seem to recollect. I didn’t do anything special, just took some tylenol, closed my eyes, waiting for the pain to go somewhere else. Instead, the pain opened, just like a door in the middle of my forehead. I recall a long hallway, dimly lit, but appearing friendly, as if it was expecting me. I sensed a lack of hesitation on my part, a wanting to go in & down the corridor…starting to feel better, a little stronger & clearer despite the pain waving me on. The pain no longer had meaning, other than to be some sort of director to the scene. I didn’t seem to mind it’s presence because it was the one thing that remained familiar to me, rather like a touch-stone. As I moved further down the corridor, I no longer felt a need for it’s presence & so as if it could read my mind, it stepped to the side, becoming part of the wallpaper.
I was not asleep, but instead very much awake. I know this because I opened my eyes & looked around the room where I was resting. Everything seemed the same & so I simply chose to go back. There was no difficulty in getting back to that place. That in itself was interesting because before getting sick my level of concentration had been waning.
I found a chair & sensed an invitation to sit down. There was no one there, or at least no one that I could see or even sense. The chair was comfortable & began pulling me further down into it, not enough to frighten me, but enough to let me know that I was to be there for awhile.
The next thing I remember was the fog. I’ve lived in England, so I do know fog, but this was a different variety. Very colorful with blurred images that seemed to be lining themselves up & then leaving to the left. I started to become aware of what things were, despite never hearing any voice or instruction. It was simply a sense of inner knowing that was accompanied with a feeling of deep certainty. Things not only needed to leave, but they were simply leaving on their own. No efforting, no decisions to be made, no thinking things through, just peaceful exiting. By body began to feel lighter, as if I was floating upwards. Now, in my usual awake state I would not have been accepting of any of this. My tendency is to hold on & never let go, but that part of me wasn’t present at this time.
Now I found mySelf standing in back of my body. I placed my hands on my shoulders & could feel them, but I was definitely outside of myself. I walked to the right side of “me”, then to the left & then found I could float up & look down at myself. I was aware of where tension had been stationed inside my body. I also understood that my mind was not in my “head”, but instead in all parts of my body, experiencing the tension as blockages. I was then invited ( I don’t know by whom ) to reach down & remove a block. The blocks were rather small, but when I removed one, it grew in size. I chose another one & this one also grew, but not as big as the first one.
I was instructed to place the blocks on the table & somehow knew that I would be spending time with these. The answers I was seeking, even though I didn’t know the questions as yet, would be given to me by the blocks.
At this moment I came to the realization that I was hardly alone, but instead, there were many “beings” with me, each one an instructor of sorts. I didn’t see them, but their presence was obvious to me. I also understood that they had been assigned to me, to walk me through my healing & then into a clearing, where my purpose or work would be synthesized by them. I would also become acutely aware of the emotions that would be part of my life from now on forward.
This was not to be a one time meeting, but would happen frequently to be enhanced in meditation. My body would be welcomed, but I am not my body. It is simply a conduit for moving around the Universe. My focus in this regard would be changing & there was really nothing I had to do.
I found myself opening my eyes, fully returned to the room & my bed. There was nothing else. No fanfare, no lights, no angels, no eureka or ah-ha…just a knowing that change had happened & perhaps for the first time, without any struggle.
Before I became ill I had been working on many different projects, always feeling like I was chasing myself. It’s become clear to me what parts of these have left & what has replaced them. These are not plans that I worked out in my usual way, but instead, an inner knowing of what I am to do.
I invite you to join me in making contact with your own Universal Connections. Sign up for email notifications of free webinars on http://www.mindfulnessbooksandmore.com