Locating the “Crux”

“We all know the importance of getting to the “center” of things or the “heart” of the matter, but sometimes the “center” or the “heart” isn’t where we think it is”….Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht

I look to the workshop group. A hand is raised, almost apologetically, already giving me insight to the questioner. Appreciating the seriousness of this action, knowing I’m about to receive an opportunity to enter someone’s private realm, I move from judgment, quieting my own mind in preparation. All questions are important. For many, it’s not easy to “speak out loud” & especially to ask a question because this “opening” allows others to peak into quiet corners, perhaps some of them hidden for years. This is the path to the “crux.”

The questioner, Pam has bulimia but has been binge/purge free since starting the workshop three days ago. How I answer her question & whether I allow others to engage may make the difference between Pam’s future success & self-management. I take another hypnotic breath, taking myself to my highest realm of awake-awareness. This is where my ability to see & sense is at it’s keenest; a place where my own subconscious mind will meet Pam’s, giving me even more information than she verbalizes. Her apologetic hand movements have already clued me as to her mind-state…..cautious & fearful but wanting to go forward into recovery.

As teachers/writers, what we say, be it written or spoken word will have an impact on those who are the receivers. Such is the power of communication, that even words that don’t appear to be profound on the surface can change lives dramatically…..both positively, as well as negatively.

And so, we watch what we say & live with the intention to help each other along without harming. This means staying out of “ego” & in the presence of Higher Self.

I like to think that each one of us are teachers & students at the same time. It feels good to know that each day as one goes out into the world, the power is present to help someone to change in a positive way, even if one doesn’t know & especially if one doesn’t like that person. We can all deliver positive goods….

I engage Pam’s subconscious mind to participate in opening her question, wondering what part gave her the courage to open & thanking that part through my own subconscious communication.

I’ve been binge & purge-free for three days, but I have no confidence & feel like I’m walking on the side of a cliff where at any moment, the wind can blow me off. How can I help myself?

Pam’s question is beautifully decorated in metaphor, already setting the stage for the next part of her work. I notice the other participants are fully engaged, most likely having felt the same in their own life experiences, be it related to disorderly eating, or other addictions or destructive habits.

I ask the entire group to participate as “observing practitioners” as Pam self-explores, looking for her “crux”.

MIND EXERCISE

Let’s all become still now & sense what stillness feels like….in your body….in your mind. And now, become ever more still. I give each of you a dial that you can turn to the left to become more still than before. Go down as deep as you like & enjoy the sensation of deepening. If you prefer to utilize visual images, perhaps you can go down those stairs over there, or float in the sea on that beautiful raft, counting yourself down from five to one.

Everyone but Pam will stay over there & Pam will come with me now. Here is the key to your daily path. Open the gate now & step onto the path. This area contains all of the patterns you have developed & that usually play out in your mind & body on any given day. Each pattern is accompanied by the usual emotions that participate in the particular pattern. Take your time & walk around your daily path, paying particular attention to the patterns…… & when you have finished, I’d like you to return to where I’m waiting for you.

It’s easy to see where your daily stress’ are located & also to know what they are about. I’d like you to ask the patterns to line up according to their level of stress…..highest in the front….lowest in the rear. Go ahead now…. Now ask your binge-purge childSELF to show you which ones are the most bothersome to her. And when you know that, ask that pattern to come forth, complete with all emotional states.

Pam chooses her relationship with her boyfriend, as well as her financial worries. Her mind shows her that these are holding hands, meaning they are related. There is a definite conflict here. She tells me that she can solve her financial difficulties IF her boyfriend moves back into her house but she doesn’t love him & wants to enjoy her home on her own. Her boyfriend senses her weakness & continues to press the issue.

This situation most likely forms the “crux” or the center of Pam’s eating disorder. There may be more to this, but it is close enough for Pam to start working in positive ways.

I’m asking Pam to ask her binge-purge childSELF to state what she needs. The child is silent & this distresses Pam, who assumes that the childSELF doesn’t want to be better. I explain that this is not necessarily so, but even if “she” doesn’t want to be better, this is not the choice of the childSELF. This is the choice of Pam’s mature/adult & Higher Self. Pam needs to stand in the shoes of this part of her & to bring discipline to the childSELF. In order to do this, Pam must practice in the theater of her mind.

I indicate where the theater is located on her path…. we’ll go over there & begin in the next blog.

Lessons from the Closet

“All of the lessons we need are available all of the time, but often we have to wear our creative hat to access them.”….Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht

DIRECTION:  EVERYTHING MUST BE CLEANED and CLEARED

For a while I thought this was a sinister mind game of my manipulating Self, finding a way to get me to get rid of clutter,  so my attitude reflected that, as I approached the tasks with my deepest nasty Self in tow. My body presented a series of ongoing complaints ranging from headaches to a badly aching back, but what was worse was my mind activity, including an excruciating case of procrastination. Pushing myself day after day became an ongoing battle of wits. I mentioned in my last blog that it took three months to complete the task that was delivered by my Higher or Mentor Self. Of course, time is relative. In  this case, it was a very long  painful time in my life, but not just for the reasons mentioned above.

Entertaining my nasty-self day after day became tiresome. However, this part wasn’t a stranger to me.  I grew aware that it was a familiar visitor in my dealings with my eating issues. I was tired of many things that had to do with food. Yes, I was sick tired of daily meal planning, cooking and everything that went along with it.

My Self snarled, “Why shouldn’t I be tired. It’s been decades and decades. It’s not going to end. So take that and stuff it. And now you want to talk about dieting and cooking special things for YOU? Give me a break! And now you have me clearing out the house. What a servant you are!”

Oh…..big Self-Block.

The bathroom closet was not kind to me. I was forced to admit my poor organization skills. Wastefulness once again. There were bottles upon bottles of shampoo, conditioner and all sorts of creams that promised a better this, that and the other, obviously none of them successful. As the garbage bag filled up, I started counting the money I was throwing away. Guilty shameful Self yelling at me; truly kicking me right in the gut. Ouch…

The giver of Directions stepped in asking the kicker to step back. This was a learning experience. While I was meant to “wake-up”, I was not to be attacked, either physically or emotionally. I could almost see my little child-Self wiping her eyes, promising to learn the lessons… to stay awake.

DIRECTION – FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR ANYTHING and EVERYTHING

I started to feel better that day. Yes, I could face the music, but I didn’t have to go down on my knees. No wonder it had been so difficult to look at all of my mistakes in judgment, the lack of attention to what I was doing. I was terrified of the guilt and shame, feeling that I always had to pretend that I was “good and worthy” The secret was that “I was not.” Oh….. But, I heard the voice tell me that I was a good human being that had just made some mistakes. Yes, I could learn these lessons I could get over these things. Of course, I would have to make some changes. Now this became part of the directions.

DIRECTION – CHANGE IS GROWTH, SO CHOOSE TO CHANGE

All of the closets had suggestions for me. I learned how easy it was to organize the bathroom if I just kept an eye on it, I could decide when we needed something replaced. My shopping list had a special column for the bathroom closet. Nothing was purchased unless it was formally listed. I rather liked that…..formally listed made it special to the child part of me. It sounded like something important to do.

My clothes closet had plenty of suggestions about when to purchase things,when enough was enough. Oh….. big lesson here. This one would carry over to the kitchen as well. I was both amazed anddisheartened that I owned clothes that I didn’t even like. Now, who would do something like that…..especially a grown-up? I was directed to remove the things I didn’t like, but to saved enough clothes to last me until it was a formal shopping excursion. There’s that formal word again; Once again the child liking the idea of going on a special excursion. As a hypnotherapist I came to understand that these were great “containments” that would help me to be in control. Of course, every time I was in control, that would carry over to other parts of my life.

A great surprise greeted me in my “special closet.” Here is where I kept ALL of my hobbies.  Goodness, there were so many. I was directed to take all of them out  line them up in the middle of the room. I was called to explain when I would be completing these half-started or not-started-at all hobbies while evaluating how much money was sitting in the middle of the room. The bully stepped forward, but was immediately blocked by the “giver of directions.” I had to honestly confess that I didn’t know if I would ever have time to do these things. As for the amount of money, well point well taken. Lesson accepted.

DIRECTION – CLEAN and CLEAR.

You may have one indoor hobby and one outdoor hobby. It’s time to simplify life…to open the door to change. Everything else goes to someone else, so they will finish these up for you …of course, they will then belong to them.

FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR EVERYTHING … TAKE YOUR LESSON AS YOUR GIFT. Now bring all of your lessons and gifts to the KITCHEN, for it is time to apply these to taking care of yourself in new ways….

Future Pacing

“My future belongs to me. I am the writer, director & producer of my own life.”… Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
Oh, to be able to visit the future right now, in this very moment. What will I find there? What will it feel like? Better still, what paths took me there and what if I could change direction?

I just had a future conversation with one of my discussion groups about sugar issues and how much is too much. Unfortunately, sometimes we ask the wrong question or formulate a question that doesn’t get us the information we truly need or maybe even want. This is where future-pacing helps out, allowing us to visualize future-outcomes inside the body and what nutrition really means to the cells at work. Yes, the truth is often hard to take and the decision to truly change paths and future outcomes, is one of serious self-responsibility, whether it be for you or others. Understanding that we are currently manufacturing the future is a concept that I work to bring to those who are open to the discussion.

We all make choices and not making a choice is still making a choice. We tend to mimic sailboats….blown this way and that, our directions decided by something that we perceive to be out of our control. In this metaphor, the wind representing life. Unfortunately, this is a very stressful way to travel. In addition, it is next to impossible to reach our deepest desires if we continue to choose this way of living. Again, this is a choice.  A good life sailor can control much of the journey.

In a previous blog entry, I discussed the power of regression. The entry before that focused on tweaking different areas of our life, thereby requesting our subconscious minds to give us suggestions and connected plans for making things better. I’ve been trying to write the blogs in some sort of order, so those of you who might be interested in working with these creative tools could follow along. If anyone is having difficulty, I’m very available online. You can email me here or visit one of my websites where more than likely you can jump right on my desk through the human-click button.

Regression and future-pacing are very valuable timeline tools that are quite easy to commandeer. While it is certainly possible to simply jump on the timeline and go forward, I prefer to do some pre-time-line work beforehand. I will, however, do this pre-work in light hypnosis. In other words, I’ll plan some quiet time, then relax deeply…..slowing my brain waves down below the alpha level. I’ve written about this before. It is  simple to do.

For those of you who need a quick review, here it is:

Find a chair that is comfortable. Settle down into it. Sense the chair holding you up. Now allow your body to sink into it, just as if magnets were pulling you down. You might like to take a few yawn breaths and sense your breath sitting in your lower abdomen, just as if it contained a merry-go-round horse. Pay quiet attention as it goes gently up and down.

Have a journal available or even a piece of paper will do. I rather like journals because they seem to attract the subconscious mind. Make a little map that represents your future. Purposefully think about yourself in that area….. begin with the near future, perhaps tomorrow, then move on to next week…..followed by a month down the road. See/sense a calendar turning gently, noticing that small images of your successes stamped on each date. You don’t have to see them in any detail………just notice their existence.

Some thoughts will be coming into your mind right about now. You might want to write them down or even ask them some questions. It’s important to notice your future as a real thing….not just some nebulous time down the road. That’s why I suggest you draw out some sort of image to represent it. This will give you a mind-focus for respecting it, etc. Never again will you treat it in any negative fashion or disregard it as if it didn’t truly exist. It does exist and will come to pass……. you will guide it gently towards what you want to happen.

We get what we think about all day long. Think in negative terms and guess what you will receive? Of course, you may think this is obvious so why should you spend time reading or thinking about this. Don’t be fooled. You may know it, but there isn’t one of us who doesn’t fall into this mind-trap, myself included. But, the more you future-pace, the less you will find yourself programming your mind for negative experiences.

Once you have journaled and explored some thoughts about your future, start detailing the things you would like to experience. Yes, this does take time. However, your time is much better spent programming what you want, then letting the winds blow you without your direction. That is poor time management, besides making it more difficult to get back in the direction you want to go. For many people, the trip back is perceived as being too much work, so guess what? They stay wherever they end up, thanks to the wind.

Future-pacing is all about planning the details of what you want as if you already had it. Certainly, you can add dates, etc. Make it as specific as you like, but truly image while emotionalizing it. Treat your future-paced images with a host of affirmations. I like to detail my images in writing, then visit them in the theater of my mind, especially before I go to sleep at night. I want my subconscious mind to play with these images during my dream states. This is a powerful time for accessing your deepest levels of problem solving and creativity.

AFFIRMATION:
“My future falls off the end of my pen. I communicate easily with my future-selves. They help me to comprehend what is possible and then to plant it.” …Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht

The Resilience Garden

The night I came to understand how frightened I was of my “addictive self”, I came face to face with an image that represented it. It was nothing more than a child, but what a child it was. Over the next few weeks, I was to understand the power it had over me. The “understanding” was only partial because the “origination” went so deep into my psyche. There were places I had no recollection of ever experiencing, many of these empowering this child-self who seemed both innocent and toxic.

While I had experienced the toxicity, I never paid much attention, nor did I ever decide to take it apart and analyze it. When the child realized what my intention was, there was an incredible resistance, rather like running head first into a brick wall. I came to understand that it was going to take both courage and commitment to work through this, and it was most likely going to take time.

When patients ask me, “How long is this going to take?” I remember my own experiences and shudder at the truth. I try to re-frame my answer in a way that will not frighten or discourage anyone, but to stay somewhere in the realm of the truth. We are not all built the same. Some of us have more resilience than others built over the years. Those of us with a stronger amount can take a bigger dose of the truth.

For me, while I was resilient, when it came to my eating issues my resilience was weak. Realizing this, I decided to utilize a technique I’d developed many years ago for my oncology patients. It’s called “transmutation.” I would relax deeply, take myself to my “special place” in my mind’s eye, locate my “resilience garden” and empower myself. Then, I would take that “power” and bring it to my “eating or food behavior garden.”

Building a resilience garden is something we can all learn to do. You can do it through journaling, drawing images, or through mindfulness meditation. I think it’s best to utilize a journal or draw images, THEN…plant these during meditation. When the mind is at a higher focus, the images can go deeper into the subconscious mind.

If you are working with my programs, have a look at the ones designed for building resilience, managing emotions or even those designed for affirmations. There are many of them and all will work for you. Then, open a journal just for this work. I gathered my resilience from surviving following the death of my father when I was three. I don’t remember much before that, but since that event was so seminal in my life, it created a starting point.

This was when I first remember experiencing fear and loneliness. I still have left-overs from those early years. In fact, I was just discussing this with my husband before he passed away three months ago. I was left alone in our house from the age of four. When I see a four-year old I can’t believe how little and vulnerable she or he is, yet when I was four I was considered “old enough” to be responsible to be alone.

Those years were filled with fear about so many things. I remember locking myself in my room and hiding in my closet with some food I would gather from the kitchen before heading up the stairs. While these are painful memories, I was building resilience through these years. My worst experiences were from the age of four through ten. That is a lot of resilience. Resilience is cumulative. The more you experience, the stronger you become IF you choose or remember to utilize it. The good news is that all of it can be “transmuted” and applied to any area of life. More about this in a later blog.

Twitter Handle – ELIZRN

I’m currently reviewing all of my programs, just “as if” I was my own patient…  Here’s what I’m listening to today… I want to improve my memory recall for the purpose of going deeper into my subconscious mind files. I also want to enhance my self-discipline and time management for High-Level Achievement.  I have a lot to accomplish for 2019!

Fighting My Inner Voice

Fighting my Inner Voice

As I look back at my past relationship with food, I don’t believe I would have changed IF I had not gotten so sick with “hyperinsulinemia.” For those of you who don’t know what that “big word” means, it is pre-diabetes…insulin resistance and insulin overproduction. It is also called “Metabolic Syndrome” and “Syndrome X.”

I couldn’t care less about what it was called. I honestly didn’t know anything about it. I only knew what it felt like and it was very frightening. Throughout my life I had anxiety attacks, never realizing the reasons behind it. “Hyperinsulinemia” isn’t something that happens one time. It happens over time, and symptoms can last for decades. Sometimes they speed up depending on family medical history and personal dieting history, as well as exercise history, but other times they happen “on occasion” when certain foods are eaten out of balance or food timings are out of whack. I had no idea about any of this. All I knew was that I was a compulsive, out of balance eater, preferring to snack and not eat regular meals. I delighted in bingeing, but unlike some who binge, I did not usually eat large portions of foods. I did, however, eat continuously….a bite here and a bite there. I had no idea what kind of impact this had on my pancreas, liver and other organs in my body. I was blind to all of this….unfortunately.

Waking up to the truth was a frightening experience. I didn’t trust myself to be able to control my relationship with food. Food was my answer to all stress….it was my major release tool AND it was deeply embedded in my subconscious mind along with the behaviors/habits that accompanied it. To make matters worse, I had a high level of hyperinsulinemia which meant that I would have problems balancing the amount of food I needed in relation to my exercise and stress levels. Strangely enough, I needed a lot of food, but the right kinds and at the right time. All of this was foreign to me. Asking myself to change everything and keep the changes “in motion” was the base of my fear.

I always considered myself an intelligent, successful professional person….easy to get along with and fun-loving. While all of this was most likely true, there was another part of me that ran my life in a disorderly fashion. This was my addictive self. Through the decades of my life it was my best friend and set all the rules for managing whatever stress came along…and there was a lot of that.

I married at a young age, moved to Europe, had adjustment issues including being lonely and frightened. I answered the anxiety with sugar and carbohydrate foods, over-exercising and other compulsive activities. I was completely unaware of what was happening inside myself. The anxiety and depression, made worse by the hyperinsulinemia went undiagnosed for decades. This became my new normal as the decades moved along. My symptoms were seen as some sort of anxiety/neurosis. I turned to more secret eating, alcohol and prescription medications offered by doctors who strangely enough never asked me anything about my family or personal medical history or what I ate. There were always the usual questions about past surgeries, but nothing more.

When I came upon the information about hyperinsulinemia I was blown out of the water. I was happy and horrified at the same time. I realized how much damage I had done, frightened that I wouldn’t be able to reverse it, and at the same time scared to death of that part of me that would not let me change. That part would rather kill me than help me. When I woke up to this reality I found myself frightened of ME. I remember the moment the revelation was brought to me….I must have sat for an hour in the chair before I could move into any sort of action. The fear was so huge that I was afraid to stand up and go anywhere. I didn’t know what to do. In a way, I was paralyzed.

Being afraid of “who I was” was an unraveling experience. I remember praying. I remember being freezing cold. After a while, I heard a little voice tell me to “move.” I stood up and found a piece of paper. I wrote some simple directions to follow….beginning rules. It was “as if” I had been sent to some sort of rehab hospital and needed to be told everything in a step-by-step manner. I knew there would be many rules, but I would be well again. This seemed to be certain, most likely an answer to my prayer. I felt some energy flow back into me, but not like in times past when I would decide to “diet” or start an exercise plan. This was a very different feeling. I felt like my tired body had been given a new spark plug, but it was going to take a long time to get completely well. My compulsive self had been replaced by a patient self that was willing to walk the path step by step along with “whoever” was leading me in those early moments.

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My Rebellious Self

INSIDE MY JOURNAL

I’m in the process of doing a “life review” for myself and have invited you to come along. My purpose is to introduce you to “self-reflection” and the power it has to heal deep wounds that often lie silently, but never dormant. They are deeply connected to addictions, eating disorders and keeping us at the “wishing well” instead of living the life we want to live.

My eating issues have been with me for decades. There have been times when I thought they were being managed, but to be honest there was never a day when I didn’t think about it. I wish I had all those minutes, hours, days and years back. I think about what I could have done with that time…but then again, I wouldn’t be doing the work I’ve done for the past four decades. In other words, I had to live through my experiences in order to serve others. Now, here we are in 2019 and I find myself still doing this.

Sometimes I think about stopping writing and teaching. Part of me wants to put all of this away. My thoughts tell me that “I’ve taken care of myself. I’ve done the self-reflection. I’ve walked the long road. I’ve fallen down. I’ve struggled to get up. I tended to my wounds and entered an easier way of living….one of health and self-management. So, I should just go home and enjoy my life. Right? “Not so fast,” says my thought processes.

I’m in the supermarket. I look around and feel that old desperation as I pass shelf after shelf of what I call “horror foods.” I notice people placing these in their shopping carts. My eyes travel to see who would do such a thing. I ask myself, “Don’t they know?” Boxes of crazy cereals…aisles of cookies and candy. Two aisles of soda and sweetened water. A complete aisle of bottles pretending to be juice. I notice the bakery is bigger than the vegetable department. “Where’s the fish,” I ask myself. A young man who stocks the shelves with the “horror foods” points me to an area no bigger than my walk-in closet. “There’s our fish department.” I walk over to find out that half of the offerings are not fish at all but artificial “fish” of some sort, mixed in containers with ingredients that include high fructose sugar.

I start looking in people’s carts….an old habit of mine. When I began my “recovery” I wouldn’t let myself check-out until I did a thorough review of what I had in my cart, just in case my “imbalanced child-self” had placed something in the cart while I wasn’t aware. Sound ridiculous? Well, I can’t tell you how many times I had to go and return items to the shelves. Why did I do this? That undisciplined part of me made up stories about why I should/could/will buy whatever she wanted. This was a part of my sickness….a part that was busy killing me, but here I was…assisting the killer and with an underpinning of dangerous laughter at “how I almost got away with it.”

Supermarkets and fast food restaurants, pizza delivery, and bakeries played a big part of my food nightmare. I could write my own version of “war and peace” on these subjects, so my heart goes out to others who just don’t know what’s happening. Food is like a drug. The more imbalanced eating becomes, the more one needs those “horror foods.” Getting free and balanced is a journey…one that excels all others in life. This is not an exaggeration, but one of the most serious truths one has to learn OR experience the consequences of deciding not to take it on.

As I go through my “life review”, my journals and my memory bank I’m horrified at what I’ve done to my mind and body. I would have to add “spirit” to this grouping because I was not acting responsibly in taking care of what is often referred to as one’s “temple.” I was not only NOT taking care of it, but I was also killing it. My rebellious child-self was in charge, and the responsible part of myself was not only under her power but needed what she demanded. My sickness went beyond food. I remember the night when I found myself bingeing on a pint of ice cream in the dark while watching a rerun of The Golden Girls. It was two o’clock in the morning. As I placed each spoonful in my mouth, I delighted at the sensation. In the background part of my self was telling me that I would want to throw up in the morning and I wouldn’t be able to eat breakfast. I would be sick most of the day and most likely have panic attacks. “So what,” answered the rebellious self. “I’m enjoying this, so leave me alone.”

Living with a disorderly eating self is a nightmare. What’s become more frightening to me is that there are even more people with these issues than ever before. As I look around and see not only the obesity

but the children and the number of medications needed in order to manage the precursors of the chronic and killer diseases, I know that I cannot just “go home and relax.” My Higher Self will not allow me to do this.

So…OK…here I am. I’m opening my “truth” through my journal and path of recovery, sharing once more. I know the task is impossible. Perhaps little will change from my endeavors, but I cannot just “go home.” If only one person or one child is helped by what I’ve learned, then I’ve done what I’ve promised to do. When I prayed so many years ago, asking for answers to my illness, I promised to teach others. This was a commitment.